Some consequence,
yet hanging in the stars, shall bitterly begin his fearful date with this
nights revels; and expire the term of a despised life, closd in my breast,
by some vile forfit of untimely death: But He that hath the steerage of my
course Direct my sail! (Shakespeare)
Romeo & Juliet
directed by Franco Zeffirelli was on screen in Iranian cinema. I think I saw
it eleven times, with my sister Farzaneh, my friends: Farzad, Shahram, .,
and eventually several times with my love Anna. I liked movies very much,
and if I was honest enough with myself, my wish was to become a director of
movies. Among all movies, I was interested on Historical, fiction, and of
course Love stories. I think before Romeo & Juliet, it was West side story
directed by Robert Wise and Jerome Robbins, which I saw it few times more
than any other movies. For me life itself was some kind of movie, directed
by God or Nature, played by us, human beings. The story of this movie is
written even before the birth of its players. Though the main structure of
the film is fixed, its details are in the hand of the players. So good or
bad of what is happening is up to their talent and their will.
In all movies seeing
pain and misery of people were acceptable for me as long as the story had a
happy ending. I believe this was due to how I wanted to live myself.
It was one of those Thursdays at
the end of the pretty spring of Teheran which I saw Anna for the first time,
in my aunts home. She was the most beautiful girl who I had seen by then,
and forever. Her hair was dark brown and long with waves like the waves of
the sea. She was wearing a red short skirt, and a matching red shirt with
white strips. Suddenly all my senses were attracted to her, but most of all
to her free spirit, with her lovely smile, silent but real and meaningful.
Although I was in the middle of study for my most important examination of
my life, I couldnt stop myself inviting her and her family to our orchard
in Karaj for the next day that was Friday. I was lucky enough as my father
and his family were in our another orchard in Ramsar (North of Iran close to
the Caspian sea.). Next day I had my best Friday with Anna and her family,
my oldest brother and her wife (my mothers sister), my mother and Ammo Jan,
my friend Farzad. Our orchard in Karaj, the same Orchard which going there
with my father was some kind of torture for me, now was changed into a
paradise. I think life is like this; we search for happiness all over the
world and try to change our outside surroundings, while the only thing,
which needs to be changed, is what is going on in our heart and mind. Our
gardener was very kind to me so he did his best to please my guests. I
couldnt keep it from Farzad and my brother that I love Anna, both of them
agreed that she is beautiful but not very pleased of hearing word of love.
Before lunch we decided to climb to the mountain, which was very close to
our Orchard. Annas shoes were not right for climbing, so in our descent
from mountain, she couldnt walk as fast as others. Obviously I waited to
walk with her, as always I didnt hesitate in making decision, and preferred
to be as honest as usual, so I told her that I love her. Strangely she was
not surprised and she told me likewise, and asked me to pass my examination,
otherwise we are going to have problem with her family especially her
mother. That Friday I was not walking but flying, suddenly sky and greens
were prettier than ever, and fruits of our orchard were more delicious than
any. From next day I was not able stop thinking of Anna, and at the same
time, I was more than ever worried of my examination as it could jeopardise,
my union with my love. So I can say it was a mixed feeling of pain and joy.
Farzad was more than any body worried of my examination and was acting as my
conscience.
I was with my mother
for a month, after the end of the examination. I cant remember how that
month was past, as most of the time I was with Anna. It was summers time
and weather was as hot as other summers, but we used to walk in the streets
of north of Teheran for hours without realising how did we pass the time,
talking from the past and for the future, our thoughts and believes, our
likes and dislikes. Several times we saw the Romeo & Juliet and the Love
story and each time we cried loudly. Even when I was not with Anna my mind
was with her and I could talk only about her. Farzad was bored of my talking
about her and I could feel he is listening me because of his politeness. So
most of the time I was talking with my mother and my sister Farzaneh.
Eventually we could have the result of the universities entrances
examination, announced in the media. Among any ten students only one could
be accepted in the Iranian universities and even among them most were
accepted to semi universities called Madreseh Alli. I was so happy to see
my name among those who were accepted. I was accepted in science department
of the National university of Iran and Farzad was accepted in the Aryamehr
(Industrial) university, which was perhaps the best university of Iran. For
the next month or two I had to attend some preliminary courses in the
university, but my mind as usual was with Anna and how to tell my father
about her, I thought if I persuade him to let me to rent a room close to the
university, I will be able to have more freedom to see Anna any time I wish,
then there would be no need to tell him about her. Of course he didnt
accept, but there was another destiny written for us in the sky!
A Tragic event
It was Friday, second of August
1971, a very lovely day, eventually Anna and I decided to ask my mother to
propose to Annas family for marriage of us. My mother and Annas mother
were in my aunts house, so we went to Annas sisters house across the
street to leave them alone for talking. After few hours we decided to go
back to my aunts house to hear about good news waiting for us. The road,
between two houses, was a busy road especially on Fridays, without any
lighting. While we were crossing the road, suddenly I felt a car bumped me.
I dont know for how long I was unconscious but when I regained my
consciousness I found myself in the middle of the road with many people
around me, the first thing which came to my mind was where is Anna and how
is she? It didnt take long which I saw her lying in the middle of the road,
I tried to get up and go toward her but I found I cant and soon because of
amount of pain I lost my conscious again. When I opened my eyes again we
were in local clinic. She was awake, looked at me and asked me how am I,
before answering her I asked her how is she? Truth was that nobody even
doctors knew how we are, they were waiting for acceptance from a hospital to
move us there, so the only thing, which they were doing, was injecting us
morphine to kill the pain and force us to sleep. Next time when I woke up I
was alone in the same room. I worried very much of what might had happened
to Anna. My mother told me she had been moved to a hospital. She was
accepted there thanks to her brother in law, who was a physician. They were
asking ten thousand Toman cash to hospitalise me in the same hospital. My
mother didnt have that amount of money, and my father was not in Teheran.
So they called him and after one or two days he was able to reach us.
Eventually they moved me to the same hospital, but still they were not ready
to give me a bed. My father was surprised as it was for the first time that
somebody was not accepting his check and was demanding cash. It took another
few hours till my father could go and get cash and come back to the
hospital. During this time I was left lying in the entrance of the hospital
while there was nobody to inject me morphine to kill the pain. Soon they
found my right leg and arm were broken in four parts. As well as that, the
joint of my upper arm and few of my ribs were broken too. After the
operation, when I gained my consciousness I found all my body except my left
leg and hand in a plaster. As one can guess my first question was about
Anna. My mother told me she is fine and is in the next room. My father was
silent, waiting to talk to me. He asked me how much in pain I am. I thanked
him and apologised because of trouble, I have caused. As I knew he is the
only one, who will tell me the truth about Anna, I asked him about her.
While my mother was angry of this question, my father told me there was a
small clotted of blood in her head, which has been removed. Operation was a
successful one, but she is still in coma and at any time she might gain her
conscious back. On top of that both of her legs were broken and they had to
put platinum in both of them. Now I knew what had happened, so I had to know
how bad is the situation so I asked to see Annas mother. I felt from her
face I could find out how bad is Anna. After few minute she came to see me,
she told me every thing is OK and repeated what ever my father had told me
already. I asked her if my mother proposed to her and what was her answer.
She answered: dont think about this things now, no body knows what is
going to happen, it is possible she become paralysed or . . . I stopped
her talking and told her this is why I am asking you at this time to let
you know noting can change my love for her. She asked me what about
paralysed wife. I answered back: nothing. She laughed and said: ANSHAALLEH.
(Hopefully with Gods will). Next day I heard Anna has gained her conscious
back, so I insisted to see her immediately, after long quarrel with every
body, eventually they accepted to move me with my bed to her room to see
her. She was lying in her bed like an angel, her head was in white bondage,
and she had a white hospital dress on. As usual when she saw me she smiled
and asked me how I am, I told her waiting to marry her as soon as possible.
I am happiest and luckiest man on earth lying in bed next room to you
waiting to marry you. We couldnt stay long with each other and they moved
me back to my room. While we were in hospital my mother was with me all the
time and Annas mother was with her, every morning after seeing my mother
the next person whom I could see was Annas mother, soon to see her was like
seeing Anna, as she could tell me how she is with her word and her face.
One day she didnt
come to see me, I asked my mother and she told me, she went home to do
something. Next day the same thing happened. Among those who came to see me
was my nice; as usual I asked her if she had seen Anna. She told me no
pointed to our joint photograph which was taken few weeks before our
accident and was on a table next to my bed and said: well Masoud she is not
as beautiful as you think, she has . . . I didnt let her to finish her
talking. I felt something has happened and asked to see Annas mother, my
mother told me she is not in, so I asked her to move my bed to Annas room
to see her myself. She told me the nurse doesnt permit us to do this. I
kept thinking and worrying, angry and anxious to see what has happened, then
later when I was alone in the room, I tried to move myself from the bed
toward Annas room. So I moved my leg to get up, but as soon as I did, I
fall on the ground and lost my conscious, when I woke up again I found I had
new operation. Still I was so worried of what might have happened to Anna,
which my mother found she has no alternative except telling me the truth.
She told me that there was some kind of disagreement between Annas family
and my father and they decided to break our engagement. At the same time one
of Annas relatives had proposed to her and had been accepted by her family
and herself. My mother added: her grandmother because of this accident
believed our marriage didnt have SHOGOON (good omen). As Anna was very
obedient of her mother, she had agreed with her decision. I was not able to
accept what I was hearing till my friend Farzad did repeat every thing
again.
Another week or two,
I was in the hospital, I was transferred to another section, perhaps to be
helped to forget Anna. Rarely I had a visit from her relatives, any of them
for me were like messengers of paradise. Those who had smell of my love and
could bring an unseen and unspoken message from her for me. Instead of them
I had numerous number of visitors from my relatives and friends. Poor my
mother was very worried and upset about my situation. She was forcing me,
with no success, to eat special foods; she used to cook everyday, though I
dont know when as she was always with me. She could see me unable to sleep
or eat, and was wishful of seeing me smile. Some times she was so angry and
sad that had no alternative except crying in front of me, and when I was
asking her why is she crying? She could find enough courage to talk about my
situation. She was telling me, that I have to eat to get well, then I might
be able to change things again. The only thing she could do was mobilising
my friends and families to visit me so often, as a result I was never alone.
Almost at any moment I had three to five visitors.
Although I was very
polite with my father, but he knew that I am very angry of him, so when
hospital personnel told me that I can go home, I was not ready to go to his
house and preferred to go to my mothers house. I never could find out how
guilty of the situation he was. He was not a person to explain himself to
anybody. But some how strangely I could feel he understood love and had some
respect for those who were in love. My poor mother and Ammo Jan did every
thing to please me. They changed their living room and dinning room into my
room, as most of my body was in plaster I was not able to sit or stand, so I
was dependent to others for every thing. Even for eating I had to use my
left hand, which was not so easy, at least in the beginning.
Shah, the sole owner of the
country
In my mothers house every
morning my grand mother was with me, she was very intellectual and I could
talk about any thing with her. She was telling me about preparation for the
ceremonies of honouring 25 centuries of kingdom in Iran. There were
thousands of arch of triumph made from light and flowers in all streets
of Teheran. She told me that all shopkeepers have been forced to have
lighting around their shops. As well as that they have to have many flags in
different shape and of course pictures of Shah and Queen. They were forced
to paint their shops and pay some amount of money for repair of their
pavements. Even some people were forced to have lighting and flags on
outside of their houses. Main streets every day were decorated in one shape
and next day they change it as every day some body comes with new idea to
appreciate these ceremonies even more, for example first they put cement
blocks in the middle of streets, price of each one of them was five Toman,
next day they decided they are not nice enough so they changed them with
Iron barrier. My grand mother was telling me that these are not main
expenses and the real expense is what they are doing in Shiraz and
Persepolis. Even my uncle and my aunts husband who were both brigades
general were not happy with these expenses and were complaining in front of
my grand mother. She was telling me, while people are hungry in south of
Teheran and south of Iran why do we have to bring food from France and
different part of the world to feed kings and Queens of different countries
in Shiraz. When people were talking about expenses of this ceremony, they
were not hesitating to talk about any number, as matter of fact people were
talking about largest number, they could imagine. There was no hesitation in
mind of people, this was not a ceremony for enjoyment of them, but for Shah
and his guest and those who could steal and benefit from it.
During summer and
autumn 1971 all news and talking were about that celebration. According what
we could read in Iranian newspapers and hear from different sources,
Mojahedin who used to be called as Islamic-Marxist wanted to disturb these
ceremonies, but they didnt succeed and most of them were arrested and
imprisoned.
Apart from my grand,
my friend, Farzad was with me every day, after the end of his lectures in
the university. He was with me till late night; it seemed there was no end
in our talking; we could talk for hours without noticing the time.
Fortunately as students of his university were in forefront of strikes due
to the celebration of 25 centuries, Farzad could be with me more often,
sometimes even in the mornings. At the same time I had many of our relatives
as guest who where coming to see me, among them my stepsister and her
husband who recently were married. She was under age of consent, Ammo Jan
was very upset about this marriage, but as Shoaleh (my step sister) was in
love with Hasan who was about ten years older than her, Ammo Jan had no
alternative except surrender himself to this marriage. Hasans family were
completely different from Ammo Jans family and ours. They were very
religious and restricted; Although Hasan didnt have any education and
hardly was able to read and write, but he was very clever and some how
open-minded. Their family were very poor when he lost his father; he was
about ten years old and had to start working to feed her mother and his
sister. He told me first he start selling sweets to the school children near
one of the Tehran schools. I could imagine what he was saying as there was a
boy about the same age near to our school whom we used to buy some sweets
from, each sweet was one Rial, and he had to sell as many as possible to
earn something at the end of the day. After that Hasan found a job in a
textile factory. As he was clever and hard working man, he could earn more
and after gathering his money he was able to buy half of the factory and
after some times all of it. Now he used to own few factories. But was not
happy and was thinking to get rid of them. He told me we are neither a
capitalist country nor a socialist one. Every thing had to be own neither by
individuals nor by state, but by shahs family and some elite of society. To
satisfy workers, and avoid any kind of uprising by the workers, Shah had
passed a law that we have to give part of the ownership of the factory to
our full time workers. In this way we are not prepared to employ any full
time worker as after some times they will own the factory. As a result, both
are losing, workers as they cannot find any full time and secure job, and us
as we cannot train any worker and could not rely on any of them. If shahs
family or those who own every thing owned my factory, situation was
different, as workers didnt dare to claim any thing. But for us small
business the shahs regime suddenly becomes pro proletariat and nobody is
daring to touch workers right. Well while I was talking to Hasan, I could
see how white revolution of Shah killed our national bourgeoisie as well as
our agriculture. Even capitalism that seemed was worshipped by Shah, could
be sacrificed easily, when his interest was in question. Unfortunately Hasan
and my sister couldnt live for long and in few years time, they divorced
and my stepsister went to America to her brother, who was living there.
We saw festival of Shah on TV,
it wasnt aimed to show glory of people and make us happy. Shah was the
owner of the country and its people were his subject. He wanted to show to
the world how wealthy he is! In his view people were nothing, their only
responsibility was obedience. He could play with them in any fashion he
wanted, they didnt have any role in these ceremonies except playing as
dummy soldiers in his big theatre or standing in the streets for hours to
hail him and his guests while they were going to enjoy themselves. These
glories, even for my generation, which according to his directed system of
education were in fond of our ancient history, didnt mean anything. When he
stood by the shrine of Cyrus and said: Cyrus do sleep, because we are
awake. We laughed, soon there were many jokes beginning with this sentence.
Jokes like: Cyrus do sleep while we can ruin what ever you build. or
Cyrus do sleep so we can sleep too. During those days people used to show
their anger by making jokes. There was another joke like this. One day
during these ceremonies while they were flying from Tehran to Shiraz for
ceremony, Shah told his wife Farah let throw hundred Toman to make some body
happy. Farah in response said why not throwing two Fifty Tomans making two
people happy instead of one. While they were arguing about this, pilot of
their aeroplane looked at them and said why not throwing yourselves and
making twenty million people happy. (i.e. Twenty million was Irans
population at the time.)
Struggle against destiny
I wanted to write more than
doing any thing else, but as my right hand was not free, I was unable to do
so, so I used to tell Farzad about what I had in my mind. One day he came
with some pen and 2 hundred pages pad, and asked me to try writing with my
left hand. First I start writing some separate pieces and some poem. Then I
start writing stories, my second story was a love story called Aghaz And
Farnaz, story was simple, how love can be changed into hate: {After Farnaz
leaves Aghaz for a richer guy, Aghaz commits suicide, but before dying, asks
stars for fulfilment of a wish. He wishes Farnaz suffers from one whom she
loves most, to learn what love means. So when Aghaz dies his soul
transmigrate into the body of Farnazs child. Then there is story of love of
a mother for her son, and her suffering, eventually one night Farnazs son
moves to her room and while she was asleep push a fork into her eyes, the
same eyes that Aghaz was in love of them.} This hateful ending didnt
silence my love for Anna, and didnt change my love into a hate. Next day
when I saw Annas photograph had been removed from a table next to my bed,
by my mother, I shout at her for the first and the last time in my life.
While both of us were crying, and I was trying to apologise, she put the
photograph back to its place. It was almost two months that I was not able
to move from my bed. I explained my suffering physically and mentally in my
next story called: and he became God . {Story of a man who lost all his
senses one by one, first he found he can not move, he was young and wanted
to walk and run in the rain, among yellow fallen leaves of trees in autumn,
but he couldnt, then he lost his eyesight. He wanted to see beauty of his
love one, twilight and red sky in dusk, but he couldnt. Eventually he found
out that he couldnt hear any more, not the song of fallen rain on dry
leaves of autumn, nor song of nightingales in the spring. He faced sky, he
couldnt see and asked God: Oh God, why?! Why not giving me a heart of
stone, a heart that doesnt have any feeling, not loving any body and not
wanting to be loved. A heart, that doesnt see any difference between beauty
of sky with, stars, and the one covered by a thick, dark cloud. A heart that
feels the same from touches of the loved one and being scratched by an old
witch. A heart that cant differentiate between songs of a nightingale and
ominous tune of an owl. Suddenly he found out all his pain is gone, he
could walk, he could see and hear. Yes he gained all his senses back,
instead lost his heart for a stone one. Suddenly he found out although pain
is gone, but with pain joy is gone too. Although he could walk, but he
couldnt find any point in walking or talking, for him there was no
difference between misery and enjoyment of people, their laugh or cry were
alike, He stood still and said: now I have become a God. }. I neither
wanted to be God; nor I could stand still, doing nothing against my destiny.
One of my childhood
friends was Sohila, she was very beautiful and from a rich family, we were
the same age, and she was accepted in the same university as mine. When we
were child most of the time we were together, but for few years we couldnt
see each other and then some times during 1970 we could see each other by
chance, as our high school was close to each other some times we could have
lunch together, but always I was looking at her as a friend and noting else.
I never had any secret with my friends so she was one of those whom I told
her about Anna from the beginning. As well as other friend of mine Sohila
was visiting me every week, so next day when Sohila came to see me I asked
her if she is ready to do something for me? When she said of course
anything. I asked her if she could find new address of Anna, as I heard she
is not with her sister any more and they have moved to somewhere else. I
asked Sohila to buy a present for Annas birthday and give it to her, with
my card. Sohila did her best and when next time she came to see me, she had
a letter from Anna. In her letter she thanked me because of present, and
asked me to forget her. She wrote: It was our destiny not to be with each
other, I wish you the best and success, I hope one day you find one to love
and find happy life. Sohila was very good friend, she was very upset to
give such a response to me. While she was trying to hold her cry, asked me
to forget her and start new life.
I felt I hate this
word, called destiny , and one who writes it for the people. My next two
stories, Agha, and Ahora Mazda showed my hate for God and those who
represent him. {Agha was story of a mullah one of thousands which we could
see them every day around ourselves, those who were prepared to commit any
crime for money and self satisfaction and at the end of the day were
securing a place in heaven for themselves as they were not forgetting their
pray.} {Ahora Mazda , was story of fight between God and devil for
recruitment of people, while for them people didnt have any value. Their
fight was like fighting of two black and white puppies for piece of bone.}
I didnt want to
surrender myself to destiny , when they took off the plaster from my body
and only left it on my leg, I decided to start going to the university,
another friend of mine called Farokh, said he is ready to take me every day
to university and take me back, Ammo Jan gave his car to us so we were not
forced to use public transport. Then, after three months my legs plaster
was removed and with Farzads help I start learning how to walk again. So I
was ready to do some thing to overcome the written destiny . Annas older
sister was my friend, I thought I have to contact her and ask her to do
something. Again I asked Sohila to call her and ask her to call me. She did
and soon Manna (Annas sister) called me back. As she was in high school,
she asked her mother if she can get help from me for her study; soon we
could see each other most days of the week, she told me Anna has forgotten
my love completely and want to marry the guy who proposed to her while she
was in the hospital. During those days profession of man was the most
important thing about him for proposing to a girl. So I was challenged by a
man who was going to be engineer soon, while I was in first year of my BSc
study, he was from a rich family more or less the same as mine, with this
difference that I had no backing from my father and surely he was not ready
to propose on my behalf. He was Annas relative; meant considerable
advantages for him.
Manna told me that
Anna was surprised when she saw Sohila talking on my behalf, and wondered as
she was very beautiful girl, why I am not going to love and marry her?! I
told Manna: precisely, Sohila is my friend, I asked her to rely my message
to Anna, to tell her love is not something, which can be measured by beauty,
wealth, or education. You cant buy it or sell it. It cant be exchanged for
better or worse. Love has a separate life; it born, lives and grows, some
times it gets old and perhaps one day dies. But as human beings are not for
sell or exchange, so is love. Soon Manna reached to firm decision that she
has to do something about this love; so one day she asked me to go to their
house. She told her mother as she has exam, she has asked me to go to their
house to help her in her study. That day for whole day, I could feel and
hear my heart beating, I didnt realised how I got there, but eventually I
was there. Annas mother reaction was as usual, like nothing has happened
and I am there as before. When Anna saw me, although she was surprised,
while I was going to die from beatings of my heart, she did her best not to
show any emotion. She wanted to show me how her love for me is dead and I
think she succeeded. After few hours, which I dont know how did it past,
and what did I tell Manna in her study. Manna asked me to invite Anna to
cinema or something. I could see no point in doing so, I was able to see all
her feelings for me is dead and perhaps she is in love with her relative, or
has lost her capacity for love completely?! Manna didnt wait for my doubt
and amazement. She took the initiative in her hand and loudly in front of
everybody said she is tired and asked me if we can go to movie? When she got
yes nod as response from me, faced Anna and asked her the same question,
before I realise what has happened I found my self in the cinema sitting
next to Anna. I am sure I didnt see any thing on the screen and couldnt
hear any thing from speakers of the cinema. I wanted to take Annas hand,
but my hands were as cold as a dead. After some times I found enough courage
to do so, I took them and kissed them. She didnt reject and didnt show any
sign. Soon we saw the end sign on the screen and had to leave the cinema. I
asked them if we could go to a restaurant and have a dinner. While we were
having dinner, I told her how much I love her and asked her to marry me. She
said she needs her mothers permission for doing any thing, and I have to
ask her. I thought if this is the case so let it be! Next day I had
appointment with Annas mother in their house. She told me first if I want
to propose, it has to be done by my father and not myself or my mother. Also
as her other son in law is a Doctor, I have to have PhD, on top of that we
have to wait till Anna finishes her high school.
Well my big dilemma
was how to see my father after few months not having any contact with him,
and how can I ask him something like that?! I knew he was like a king and
his house was his kingdom, so I had to see him outside of his kingdom and
not in front of his subjects!. I called him and asked him if I can see him
in the street. He was surprised, as surprise as he couldnt ask me any
thing; perhaps he was afraid to lose me again? Perhaps he loved me and
wanted to have me as before? Perhaps he saw my will power more than his, and
felt he has to surrender himself? Anyhow I told him there is something which
I want to tell him but in private. He said: OK I ask everybody to leave the
room when we are talking. I insist: please this is the last chance I have
to talk to you as a son to his father. He didnt hesitate any more and
asked me where can we see each other? I gave him an address close to Annas
home. When we saw each other, although it was not new year but I could see
drops of tears on his eyes, I couldnt hold myself and while I was wiping
hugged him and kissed him. I told him how much I love Anna and want him to
propose on my behalf. He agreed and as it was arranged with Annas mother,
we went straight to their house. My father was very gentle, calm and kind,
and charming. He proposed to them, and they accepted. Now I had Anna as my
future wife, my miserable situation was ended. But now I had to think about
my study, which due to my situation, I was far behind it. At the same time I
had to think about how I could earn money to marry Anna. I never found out
what happened to the poor guy who was going to marry Anna; I heard few years
later he died in an accident.
My university, The National
University of Iran, was situated in a very beautiful site, north of Tehran,
close to the village of Evin, less than a mile further than the most
horrible place in Iran, the famous Evin prison . It was quiet a contrast,
there was a very small hill in our university with one grave on top of that
which was kept in its original shape, as it was said that grave belonged to
a Seyed (one of descended of prophet Mohammed). Some times after lunch we
used to climb to the top of that hill, from there, looking left we could see
village of Evin, with its small mad houses and its narrow alleys. At the
same time we could see the horrible and sad face of Evin prison. From right
we could see one of the most expensive parts of Teheran, belonged to the
richest families of Iran, the most beautiful houses, most expensive cars and
most fashionable people. One could see easily what ever existed in our left
hand side, those poor people and that prison was because of what we could
see in our right hand side. Unlike other universities, students in our
university were not very active politically. Hence while students in Tehran
University and Industrial one were in strike and many universities were
closed, our university was open and we were studying as usual. It was a very
modern university with beautiful buildings, tall trees, covered with
beautiful lawns. Its refectory was on top of a small hill, very modern and
beautiful, with very large windows all around it. Food over there was
unbelievable cheap. We could eat as much as we could with Salad, drink, and
desert, for only 23 Rial, (I.e. those days approximately any 80 Rial, (i.e.,
8 Toman) was equal to one dollar.). After lunch student used to lie on the
lawn near the refectory and enjoy the sunshine. Relation between students
and lecturers was more or less like European and American universities, they
used to sit, walk and laugh together. Yes of course like other universities
we had university Guards too. These Guards were introduced, to suppress
students few years earlier, after start of students strikes in
universities. Although most of the Guards were from poor families, many from
villages, and students used to consider themselves as vanguard of the same
poor people; in all universities Guards and students were hateful of each
other and were waiting for an opportunity to show it physically. Any way in
our university this relation didnt exist and some times even students and
guards when facing each other used to pass a polite smile. Some used to say
it was due to the head of Guards in our university, who was a mild man, and
some used to say it was due to our BE BOKHAREE, (being good for nothing).
Any way what ever was the reason, it was not going to stay like that; soon
students found themselves confronting the same guards and be beaten by them.
Perhaps this was due to their changes, as SAVAK was changing guards in all
universities after any few months to avoid creation of any kind of
friendship among students and guards.
During Norowz vacation Anna and
I decided to go for a trip to the west of Iran, Kermanshah. It was our first
trip on our own, we had little money so we had to travel in economised
manner, we travelled mostly by bus and hitchhiking. First we went to
Kermanshah. It was completely new experience for us who were living in
Tehran all our life and rarely if not at all had a trip out side of the
capital and rich northern province. As we didnt know the city we guessed
that the most important street had to have name like Shah or Pahlavi or
something related to the Shah and his family; we were right and soon we
could find the main street of the city; on contrary to our expectation
although Kermanshah was capital of the main western province of Iran, but
compare to Tehran it was like a village, or a small town. Most of the
buildings rarely were higher than three floors. Shops were very small with
cheap and old fashion goods; there was no supermarket in the town, and no
big shop. Traffic was not any thing like Tehran or even Karaj or northern
cities of Iran. Most of the cars were old and Taxies were very cheap. People
were dressed like south of Tehran, most of the women had Chador or scarf,
and men either had Kurdish dress or cheap, old fashion suit, with some kind
of hat. It was my grandmother city and somehow I could feel at home, people
were very friendly and helpful and hospitable especially with strangers. I
saw many people with blond hair and blue eyes like my grand mother. Now I
could see why Xenophon (430-354BC Greek historian) described Iranian with
blonde hair and blue eyes. Although people here were generally poorer than
people in Tehran, but I found them less unsatisfied and unhappy, perhaps
they could see less difference between livings of different classes in Iran
and were less forced to expect more and change their traditional way of
living. After Kermanshah we went to Ghasr Shireen, it was very interesting
for us how weather can change so much after short distance. Around Hamedan,
it was snowing, in Kermanshah, we could enjoy mild weather of spring, while
now after travelling, less than fifty kilometre, we were witnessing summer
times weather. Over there we found out many people earn their money through
import of smuggled goods. At that time there was fight of language between
Iranian and Iraqis governments, but one could not differentiate between
people of two countries in that area. They could cross the border and
smuggle foreign goods from Iraq to Iran and sell it twice or three times of
its original price.
Iraqis seized
relation between two countries after failure of an organised Coup by Shah in
Iraq. Difference between Iran and Iraq was going far back in history to the
time when there was no country called Iraq. After many wars between Iran and
Ottoman Empire, Iraq as part of it, a peace treaty drawn up with
Anglo-Russian co-operation between two countries. According to this treaty
unlike other rivers in the border of two countries, Shatt al Arab river or
as we call it Arvand river was not divided according to Thalweg line, and
all of its water had been awarded to the Ottoman Empire and later after
establishment of new Iraq to this country. In 1937 it was agreed that
sections of the waterway opposite to two cities of Iran, Abadan and
Khorramshahr be divided equally with Iran. But later with change of regime
in Iraq, this country refused to accept this treaty, leading in April 1969
to the treatys complete abrogation by the Shah. At this time we were
expecting the start of war between two countries and Iranian army was put on
red alert, but noting had happened, instead it was start of a long
traditional of espionage and organised coup of two countries against each
other, and giving helping hand and sanctuary to their internal oppositions.
Among those who enjoyed sanctuary in Iraq were Ayatollah Khomeini and
General Timor Bakhtiar, the first head of Iranian SAVAK who in Aug. 1970 was
killed by Shahs agents.
My stories, my refuge from
bitter realities
I guess after finding my
happiness I was able to see peoples miseries more than before; so I start
writing more about their problems rather than mine. Among stories that I
wrote during that era was Tara Ankaboot , (Spiders web), {story of a
butterfly, flying among flowers and trees in spring time, every thing so
beautiful and perfect, suddenly she fells into an spiders web, and again
she looks at green, flowers, and sunshine, but all seems different as she
was not free to fly, and had to wait for her destiny, which was to be eaten
by an ugly spider.}. Yes everything around us seemed beautiful and perfect,
but it was only on surface, underneath of it, life was full of misery, on
top of that, we were not free and our destiny was not written by God, or us
but by Shah and his masters far from us.
My mothers financial situation
was getting worse and worse. Inflation was rising day by day, and they were
not able to leave on their governmental salary. All carpets in their house
were sold and now my mother had no alternative except selling their house.
They did so and soon we had to move into a rented flat. I was very upset of
my mother and Ammo Jans financial situation, but couldnt do anything about
it. I received some money from insurance because of our accident, but it
wasnt substantial, perhaps enough for me not to ask for pocket money from
my mother. More than ever I could feel the misery and hardship, which comes
with being poor in our very new materialistic culture and society. I
expressed my feeling in my story called: Goldsmith, {the one who one day
found himself talking with a piece of Gold. Gold was complaining that he has
lost his soul, which was the stone. He was explaining how happy he was when
he was living with his soul, stone. Since then it has witnessed many
crimes, murder, misery and pain and feels he has soul of devil instead of
his soul. Gold begs Goldsmith to return him to his soul, and tells him this
is your last chance to save me and wish any thing you like. Goldsmith did
that and as he wished found himself in the city of beauties. In this city
people have been divided according to their look. Ugliness was a crime and
those who were ugly either had to leave the city or being locked up in
dungeon of the handsome king of the city. He sees the beauty, but at the
same time the ugliness behind creation of that beauty. Goldsmith who had
returned the Gold to its soul had one other wish left to be fulfilled. He
wished king become as ugly as his soul. As he wished that, the king becomes
as ugly as his soul. When people face the real appearance of their king they
revolt against him and send him to his dungeon.}
By summer 1972, I had no choice;
I had to find a job. I didnt want to ask my father for financial help. I
never asked him for a penny and now I was more proud than ever to ask him
for any. While I was in hospital, one of my cousins who had engineering
company promised me when I get well, I can go and work for him. So I went to
him and asked him for a job. He introduced me to his partner and he offered
me a job as a drawer of structural map. They offered me six hundred Toman
per month, I had to work every day after my study in university till ten
oclock in the evening, and Thursdays for whole day. I didnt have a car so
I had to use public transport to return home, so every day about midnight I
was reaching home. But I was happy as now I could ask Anna to marry me and
start living together. Soon we start searching for a flat or even a room to
rent. We told our mothers that according what we know from Islam, for
marriage, consent of man and woman is enough and they dont need any mullah
to marry them. So we married ourselves, by reading those appropriate
sentences from Koran.
The first place,
which we found, was a room in a house, close to Annas house. We had one
room and nothing else, even for going to toilet we had to pass landladys
room, which was very embarrassing, so we were trying to avoid it, as much as
possible. But after all we were happy as eventually we were independent and
were living together.
In our company I
found new good friends, among them a man called Toraj, he was composer and
was playing classic Guitar very well, his voice was nice as well and some
times was singing too. Every Thursday after the end of our work we used to
go to our room and he used to play and Anna who had very nice voice used to
sing.
One day when Toraj
and I were leaving the office for our home, we saw a middle age woman
sitting on the pavement of the street in Ferdossi Square. She had a red
dress from top to bottom. Toraj told me: let us go and talk to her and see
why is she sitting in the street at this time of the day and what is her
story. She told us her story, she was in love with a boy in his village, as
she was beautiful, Mullah of her village wanted to marry her for himself so
named the boy to the local gendarmerie as deserter of National service, so
they arrested him and sent him away. After that she left their village in
search of her lost love. The next Thursday Toraj told me he had written a
poem and a song for her, we went to our room and he played and sang that for
us, it was very beautiful, he called it Sorkhah (Reddish). Unfortunately
he couldnt sing that in state Radio, perhaps because of its name which was
red and anything related to red for authorities meant something to do with
communism, they didnt agree with some part of his poem as well, eventually
it was changed and he gave it to his cousin to sang it, she did and it
became one of her best song.
During this time by
asking and looking of what our engineers were doing in our office, I learned
how to design central heating for building. So my job was changed from
drawer of engineering plans into designer. Parallel to that my salary was
increased and I start earning 900 Toman instead of 600 Toman. But as soon as
our landlords husband returned from his trip, we had to move from the room
we had to another apartment that with the help of Ammo Jan we could rent.
Though this apartment had two rooms, one small kitchen and small toilet;
unfortunately neither its kitchen nor its toilet did have any ceiling or hot
water. Still for us in love it was a little heaven on earth. Rent of that
flat was Six hundred Toman, so every month we were left with only three
hundred Toman for our other expenses. We didnt have any thing; my grand
mother bought us a carpet, so at least in one of our room we could have a
carpet. We called one of the rooms, bedroom and put the carpet in another
room, which was our living room. I found four cars tyres, we painted them
and Anna made cushions for putting inside them. They became chairs of our
living room, soon I found a lorry tyre which we painted it and put a glass
on top of it. It became our dinning table. We were poor, but happy as we
eventually had our own apartment and could live freely as we wished.
I liked Shakespeares plays very
much and was not ready to miss any movie based on his plays. By now I was
able to see few movies including Hamlet and Othello, now there was new movie
based on his play King liar by Grigori Konzintsev. For sometimes I had a
desire to write a play or a story for movie. King liar had a strange and
strong effect on me, that night I was not able to sleep, I left our bed and
till morning I wrote my story. With few first signs of sunshine, it was
finished. I called it Azad Shah, (free king). It was all in poetic form.
Story of hundred old men and women who moved bare footed from their towns
and cities with single shared oath that each one takes best part of a body
or soul of a best human being from his or her city and town to a desert.
Their oath was that if they add these separate pieces to each other like a
jigsaw, and sing together, they will be able to create a super man in all
different aspect. With blow of life in that man, all old people who where
there and had single oath could change into young people. With strength of
youth and wisdom of old, they were going to be perfect soldier for that king
who was going to change the world into a free and just world. If we rise
up, if we all rise up, well revolt the world, suddenly well make the world
full of blood, we overturn the world. How do we make our king, we make him
from best of this and that. We make a king who make us united, a king killer
of a misery and pain, a king, mother of happiness and gay . . . This new
king who was a collection of pieces from soul and body of thousands and
thousands of men and women, with his pretty young strong and wise soldiers,
soon could capture the world and bring justice to all human kind. But soon
he fell in love of the most beautiful woman. One day when she asked him
about secret of his youth and strength and argued, what is the point of our
love? While I get old and ugly and you remain young and handsome?. He
surrendered his secret to her and in a minute she start singing the magic
song of old people. With her singing, all magic vanishes; suddenly the king
changes into separate part of human flesh, and his soldiers, into old men
and women on the edge of dying. All achievements were vanished, as people
themselves had no role in achieving them. The last seen is the same desert
while old men and women have gathered new pieces of human mind and body and
were singing their magic song again, for making new king more perfect than
the last one, not vulnerable towards his personal emotions.
I liked this story
very much, I was not able to hold myself, I forced Anna to wake up and read
it to her, by now she was used to my writing during nighttime. When
everywhere was silent, and I could think and feel and write in quietness of
the night.
In our company, I learned how to
work as sight engineer and for the first time became responsible for air
condition and piping of a very huge two tower buildings in Pahlavi Street.
Although I was working with professional workers, but at the same time I was
able to see simple workers from different part of the country working in
that building. One day I saw a worker beating sole of his foot with a piece
of stone. It was very strange for me, so I went toward him, and asked him
why is he beating himself? He told me a nail went into his foot and when he
took it out, blood was erupted from his foot and by beating that point; he
was able to stop the blood. In few seconds he stopped beating himself and
stood on his foot. His name was Yadollah; he was from a village close to
Arak, near Tehran. I asked him what is he doing in Tehran? He told me after
land reform, he became owner of part of the land; he was working on. He was
not able to manage that land, didnt know how to cultivate it and how to
sell its crops, fortunately the old landowner of the land was ready to buy
it from him, so he was lucky enough to sell his land, and move to Tehran. He
was living in south of Tehran with his family. After that any time I was for
the inspection on that sight I used to go toward him say salaam and chat
with him for few minutes. Generally I found out he was more happy when he
was living in their village, he was complaining about everything including
plotted air of Teheran, its traffic, housing and expense of living. He was
telling me in his village he and his family always were together, they used
to work and eat and sleep together, now every day he has to leave home five
oclock in the morning to reach that building by eight. He had to work till
six or seven oclock in the evening and when he reaches home is almost ten
oclock in the night. He had lost all money he received by selling of his
land, for moving to Tehran and buying first few essentials. He could see no
change in his life and no improvement. He was very confused about life and
behaviour of people in north of Tehran where he was working. Living in a mud
house in a village far from big cites for years, now he was working in a
huge building in north of Tehran. One could see the huge difference that he
could feel between his life and the life of people living in the north of
Tehran. Apart from that was the difference of moral between his family and
people now around him in the north. He used to say people have lost their
faith and soon we will witness the resurrection of Imam Zaman, (The
promised saint who is going to come to save all human beings from misery and
injustice). He told me that he had heard from his father that when men and
women wear the clothes similar to each other, when you see tall buildings
with cross on top of each building, when you see some as rich as they
dont know what to do with their money and at the same time, some as poor as
they have no where to sleep and nothing to eat. You have to wait for
resurrection of Imam Zaman. He showed me TV antenna on top of all buildings,
and said these are those promised cross on top of all buildings. He showed
me the big picture of a half naked woman on top of opposite cinema (Empire
cinema), and told me my father was right we will see Imam Zaman, very
soon.
After few months the company I
was working in was announced bankrupted. Although bankruptcy was part of
trick of working and benefiting even more, still as our company was
announced bankrupt, we were receiving half of our wages each month. The
amount, I was getting, was almost 650 Toman, enough to pay the rent and
other bills. My mother, who knew my situation, although was in very bad
situation herself, still was giving us 100 Toman every month, but what could
we do with that amount of money? We had to buy the most basic things; we
were poor, as poor as we could think of. I remember many days I even didnt
have enough money to pay for very cheap tickets of bus fare, and had to walk
to university or my job. Poor Anna had to economise every thing as well. As
many poor people we had to use public bath, and for shopping she had to make
a lot of research to find the cheapest material, as cheep as we could afford
them. Now we were able to have some feeling of how poor people live in Iran
and how far is their standard of living from riches. We could have some
feeling, but not quiet so, as for us it was a temporary one, we knew soon I
will find new job and after end of my study, with families and relatives
whom we had we could improve our life as much as we wanted. While for people
like Yadollah, that structural worker, and perhaps his children, life was
going to be like what they had, (if not worse) for the rest of their life.
Any way after few months, with help of my oldest brother I could find
another job in a building company called Dehshad (happy village).
Politic, major concern of every
days life
Universities including our
university were getting more and more politicised, especially after trip of
Nixon the American president, to Iran. We heard when his car was passing the
residence Hall of Tehran University; students took the opportunity and throw
some stones at the passing cars. This was start of widespread attacks of
SAVAK agents to the homes of students and universities and optional arrest
of many students from different universities. Mohsan my old friend who was
Medical student in our university and was living in Evin village told me the
attack of SAVAK agents to his room, he told me: few men in the middle of
the night came to our house, and knocked the door strongly, poor landlord
was going to die. In my room they start throwing furniture and books every
where, I presume they didnt know themselves what they were looking for,
when I asked them what are you looking for, tell me, perhaps I can help you.
Their answer was, KHAFAA-SHOO , (shut up). Then they start collecting
books, any book with red cover. Some of my medical books had red cover,
which were collected by them, fortunately they were borrowed from university
library and I reported their loss to the library so if they can! Get them
from SAVAK.
Generally students
were against American. Some used to hate shah arguing that he is puppet of
American. On the other hand most of us while couldnt agree with them more
but we were against American because of helping and supporting our dictator.
For us main problem was lack of freedom, we used to think with democracy we
are able to regain our independence too. Although for us all American
governments were all alike but because of our recent history, we used to
hate Republicans even more. So when we heard about Watergate affair in
America, it was a very good news for us as it had a message of failure of
republican especially Nixon who was considered as close friend of Shah. Our
dislike for American policy in our country didnt mean that all of us were
pro revolutionary groups and their activities. On the contrary most of us
were passive about their activities and only minority of the students were
advocating Mojahedin or Fedaian in Iranian universities especially in our
university. So assassination of few Americans and few high-ranking army and
Police personal by Mojahedin didnt bring any kind of jubilation among us. I
believed those assassinations did more bad than good for us, they brought
more guards and restrictions to our universities and more suppression and
censorship into the society. Perhaps these were what revolutionaries were
looking for as they supposed suppression brings more awareness and readiness
for the revolution. In contrast in short term, we were hoping to see the
abolition of SAVAK and universitys guards, and in long term democracy and a
just society.
Getting used to the laws of
survival in Iran
Norowz 1352 (Mar. 1973), Anna
decided to go with her family to Bandar-Abbas, to visit her father who was
working over there. After more than a year being all the times together we
were going not to see each other for about two weeks. Suddenly our apartment
became very large and empty for me. I knew how much we loved each other, but
not as much as that, which I realised when I found her empty place in our
home during my Norowz vacation. I had to do something to make myself busy
and at the same times surprise Anna in her return, so I bought some paint
and start to paint the whole apartment, our huge balcony, its half covered
class shade, which was the only roof our toilet and kitchen build in the
balcony had, both rooms their walls and their ceilings. While I was painting
the ceiling I fall and poured the whole basket of the paint on my head and
body. When I saw myself on the mirror, I remembered Charley Chaplain movies
and start laughing at myself, weather still was cold and I was not able to
wash myself with cold water in our balcony, I was wondering how can I walk
in the street with that face? At this point two of my friend Farokh and his
girl friend, Mehri came to our flat, they saw me in that position, they
couldnt stop themselves not laughing at me, but they were as kind as
helping me to go to the nearest public bath to wash myself. Farokh and Mehri
was friend of each other, both from Azerbaijan, both were writer and student
of university, Farokh at the same time was working in Archive section of
state Radio. Most of the times we were talking about politics. We saw an
imaginary movie about future, called Fahrenheit 451, story of a society
controlled by the state through TV and propaganda. Owning and reading books
was forbidden. I dont know how did this movie passed the state censorship
instrument, but it was like somebody has made a movie about our situation,
we could feel any second of it. I could see well, situation of my friend
Mohsan when SAVAK agent attacked his room and collected his red covered
books. Farokh told me that: state is very clever instead of bothering to
censor all the books they force writers and publishers to censor their work
themselves, because that office looks only at printed books, so every body
is so careful, nobody is prepared to publish a book and spend allot of money
and face censorship after wards. As a result now days publishers are
censoring books even more than government. Soon I faced the same
experience. One of my cousins, Lila Kasra was poet, her book became book of
the year, and famous singers sang many of her poems. Once I saw her and gave
her my stories to read. After sometimes I saw her again, she told me, she
enjoyed reading them, and said, if I let her she can change part of some of
the stories to make them publishable, otherwise nobody is prepared to risk
and publish them, she told me some of them politically are censurable and
some from religious point of view. She said if she changes part of them, she
is sure there is great possibility that my book became book of the year.
When I asked her for some example, I found out she wants to change the main
parts of many of my stories. I told her: my stories have come from my heart
and even if I change the wording, I am not able to change my feeling, and if
you change that, then this is not going to be my book any more.
The new company, which I start,
working in, was further than the last one, now as I was more experienced, my
salary was more than previous one. In this company I had to learn to give
design for buildings and work as a civil engineer. I had to go to different
sight and supervise engineering work of several buildings. I didnt know any
thing about civil engineering, but I had to learn as fast as I could. At the
same time I found out that I am unable to use public services, as before,
without having a car either I had to forget my study or my job. During those
days buying a car for a student like me without any capital was not so easy.
Foreign cars even second hand and old ones were so expensive which I
couldnt even think of having one. Internal manufactures cars were
expensive as well but the main problem was not their price but their
availability, they were so rare that one could buy a car and use it for few
years and sell it with some profit. The amount of production was not
matching internal demand, on top of that as Shah wanted to have industrial
export, most of productions used to be exported to neighbouring Arab
countries. So for buying new car we had to register our name and pay some
money and stand in the queue for the time when they tell us that there is a
car for us to buy. Another problem was that, as I didnt have any money I
had to buy it by instalment, which made it more difficult. Any way
eventually with help of Ammo Jan I could buy a Jyan (Citron).
After I bought a
car, I faced another problem, I had to get driving licence. With the help of
some of my friends I learned how to drive, but passing the test was one of
the most difficult test of my life by that time. Examiner body was Tehran
police. First, as existing huge bureaucracy in every governmental body we
had to go through series of bureaucratic obstacles. They were not accepting
photocopy of birth certificate and instead we had to go to another
governmental office to get official hand written copy of birth certificate,
not one but about twelve of them. Then we had to get official eye test and
official photograph, after that we had to get evidence from local police
that we have no criminal record. Solving any of these problems was quiet a
war with horrible Iranian bureaucracy and corruption. After that I had to go
to the test itself. When I went to the responsible office for the test, I
found myself among hundreds of people from all walks of life, all desperate
for having a licence. Many like me, their job and their future were
dependent to the result of that test. Examiners didnt have enough time to
examine every body in proper manner so they used to stand us in the street
and find a horrible place for parking or driving and asks one by one all to
park the car within few seconds in that place. In this way only those who
were either very lucky or very experienced at least in the parking, could
pass the test. As usual knowing how to bribe them or knowing somebody in the
police could solve the problem immediately. Any way I failed that test few
times, each time I had to wait for few months to be able to go for another
test.
Although penalty
for, illegal driving was Thousand Toman and three months jail. I was not
able not to drive because of my job and distance between my office and our
home and university which where situated at tops of a large triangle in the
middle of north of Tehran. So I was driving illegally. Once I was stopped by
a Police car, I knew the first thing which he is going to ask me is about my
licence, and I was not able to afford to go to the jail for three months, so
before waiting for him to reach my car, I decided to run from there as fast
as I could. I did and fortunately in high traffic of Tehran he couldnt
catch me. After this accident I was very vulnerable, as I knew my plate
number would be passed to all polices in the city. Once a policeman, who was
checking plate number of different cars to see if any of them have a penalty
to pay, stopped me. This time I was not able to run away, the only thing
which I could think of was to bribe him, so I put twenty Toman among licence
of my car and gave it to him. He was more open than what I thought, he said
twenty Toman isnt enough and I have to pay fifty Toman, which I did. It was
the first time which I was bribing an official. Soon I found doing any job
in Iran is fully dependent on bribe.
Once I was asked by
the manager of our company to go and get permission of structural work for
one of the buildings. Already all different paper works for obtaining that
permission was done by the company and the only thing I had to do, was to go
there and introduce myself as representative of the company and get that
licence. But it was not as easy as I thought and I returned to the office
empty handed. Our manager asked me what happened? I told him that the person
in charge of it searched for some times, eventually told me he is unable to
find it and asked me to fill the application forms again. Our manager became
very angry; he was astonished why I didnt realise what he was looking for!?
He asked me to put five hundred Toman in an envelope and before asking any
thing give it to him and say I know how tired he is searching for that
document and wanted to have a dinner with him, but as I know how busy he is
I thought perhaps he prefers to go with his family. I did this and against
my astonishment he was able to find the document right in his drawer.
In this new company
I could learn more about the way our country was running. All governmental
bids for structural works, according to the law had to be sent to all
engineer companies. In our company, they were coming to me and I had to
respond to them. Strangely as I used to receive all of them one or two days
before the due date for passing them back to the authorities, I was unable
to respond to any of them. Once I complained to our manager about this
problem as I thought some thing is wrong in our office and somebody is
holding them before I see them. When I told him he starts laughing and told
me: It seems you know nothing about our country, these are things which you
never can learn them in the university. No body is holding these documents.
We are small company, big fish receive documents on time, and they have
plenty time to give their bid, even enough time to buy cheap material and
sell it to the government with higher prices. But as we are small fish, like
poor people we have to eat reminder of the rich companies bites. We only are
able to get second hand jobs. Among these jobs, one of them was fresh water
piping to a new built governmental town. Strangely I saw instead of building
an small bridge on the river which was separating the town from the source
of water, for passing the pipe from the river, they took the pipe all along
the river to the first build bridge on the river and took it all the way
back to the town. In this way this project was few million Toman more
expensive. When in estimation plan I suggested this idea to the mother
company which was going to win the bid. With some excuse they refused my
suggestion, while in action they did the same thing. In this way they could
even benefit more.
Increase in oil price, made
rich, richer and poor, poorer
With the start of Arab-Israeli
Yam Kippur war in October 73, oil prices increased sharply. But this
increase in Iranian income, for us Iranian didnt mean any thing, as we
could see most of this money is going to the pocket of American Arm
manufactures and the rest of it to the certain people mainly Shahs family
and close people to them. What could be our share of increase in oil prices
was ascent of inflation and more hardship. Those who were more politicised
on top of that could see betrayal of Moslem Arabs in favour of Israelis.
They used to say this is not price of oil, which Shah gets, but price of the
blood of Arabs. He gets this money from European and third world countries
and returns it to the arms manufactures in America. So they can become more
prospers and can help Israelis and dictators all around the world more than
before. One of such example was coup in Chile by General Pinochet in
September. When we heard military junta has killed Allende, many felt losing
Mossadeq again. We could compare this two and their faith with each other,
and could see many similarities among them. We felt this is another action
by CIA and remembered again what happened in our country in 1953.
Shahs propaganda
machine since year before was generating this Idea that shah had fought
against American oil companies and has won. There was some truth in what
they were saying, but for us all were the same, blunt lies. No body did
believe whatever could be heard in our media, even correct news were
interpreting by people differently. More propaganda in state media was
generating more hate, gathering people here and there to hail shah, had the
same effect, even more hatred toward the shah. Now I realise even close
people to Shah could see this shameful propaganda and their effects on the
people. But as Shah was an absolute ruler and a decision maker even those
around him did not bothered or dared to force him to see the reality.
Perhaps Shah wanted
his country as it was owned by him, to be strong. But his interpretation
of being strong meant having strong army. Again strong army meant having the
most advanced armament. So he was prepared to buy arms with any price, he
was so mad about buying arms, which he bought many sophisticated arms, while
nobody knew how to use them. Alam his court minister, at the time, in his
memos, reveals his discussion with General Khatami, about this subject:
General Khatami, the commander of the Air Force, confided in me that were
ordering far more planes than we can possibly use. We simply havent enough
pilots, or the facilities to train more. This has obvious implications for
the effectiveness of the air force. Yet, despite being his brother in law,
the commander dares not draw the matter to HIMs (I.e. His Imperial Majesty)
attention. (A-390). More important, whom were we going to fight against?
Fighting against Iraqis didnt need any sophisticated arms like them, and we
were not been able to stand against Soviets even for a second with all those
armaments. Up to then any time we saw any activities from our army was not
against our foreign enemy, but against ourselves. Against people. In Aug.
1953, or June 1963. U. S. Senator Hubert Humphrey in 1960s put this reality
as: Do you know what the head of the Iranian army told one of our people?
He said the army was in good shape, thanks to US aid- it is now capable of
coping with the civilian population- (Haliday- 75) Apart from that Shahs
Armies activities were against people of other countries like their
involvement against people of Dhofar province in Oman. Which without any
approving of Iranian people and even dummy parliament of ours was going on
between 1973 till 1976. Or their involvement in countries as far as
Indonesia, South Korea and Zaire. Spending all or most of the oil money for
this kind of the armament, instead of generating this believe that Shah want
to see our country strong again, was wide spreading this believe that he
does it according orders of his foreign master. Arm manufactures and western
countries were selling him these toys of him in any price they wished.
Alams memo: Ive received highly confidential information from a British
source indication that the Pentagon is pressing General Dynamic, the company
which manufactures the F-16 to double the price it is asking from Iran. . .
. HIM took some time to think about this before remarking that he had
already begun to have doubts, hence his insistence that I ask the US
ambassador whether the figures bandied about by Congress covered 160 or 300
planes. Even so , he said. the manufacturers have went written
confirmation that the price is to be $6.5 million per aircraft, How then can
they raise it to $18 million, almost a three fold increase? I replied that
this is precisely what they did over the Spruance destroyer; half a dozen of
the ships were estimated at $280 million. But we still ended up paying
nearer $600 million. It would appear , I said, that the Pentagon is
wasting no time, appropriating what little remain of our oil revenue. (A-
506).
In contrast to the
military expense Shah was very unwilling to spend money on any project,
which its beneficiaries were, people. With the oil money, without increasing
inflation he could build houses, hospitals, . For poor people. Roads could
be rebuild and changed from poor position which they were in, even in the
capital. Our agriculture could grow and we could feed our poor hungry
people. Abdul Majid Mjidi, head of the plan organisation complains to the
Alam: The government originally assigned $25 million of next years budget
towards building at the university, but it now appears that only $9 million
will be available. By contrast, according to Mjidi, military investment is
set to rise by 300 % and current expenditure is to be doubled.
. He begged
me (Alam) to report the situation to HIM. I was forced to reply that this is
the PMs duty, not mine. But the PM (I.e. Prime minister) is terrified to
spell out the facts, said Mjidi. (A-283)
While in our
company we were designing large houses in north of Tehran for those who used
to benefit from oil money; servant of our company was living in one of the
shanty towns of Tehran; in a very poor condition; still as he had his
diploma he was among luckiest one; he had his own bicycle which could avoid
waiting for hours in bus stops for coming to work and had a proper and
secure job. One day he came to me and told me that he has gathered some
money and want to build his own house and asked me to help him. The land,
which he was able to buy out side of the city boundary, was a useless land.
During those days any body with some connection could earn thousand times of
those kind of land just by putting some fences around it. Still his land was
large enough for only two small rooms and a narrow hallway. He wanted to
build this land with help of his brother and his wife and his two small
children. I helped him to buy cheap material from companies which we knew
and soon he start working in building of his house, some times when manager
of the office was away he was free to go and work on his house, and instead
of him, I was doing his job. Eventually after sometimes he finished building
of his house, and they moved to their new home. But it didnt take few
months, which one-day I found him very sad and almost crying while he was
talking. When I asked him about the reason of his sadness, I found out that
because of his house was outside of the city boundary, City council men had
attacked it and they have ruined his house and he has forced to return to
his previous situation. I was wondering what was going on in his mind when
he was seeing the map of luxurious houses which we were building for others
and most of the times he was delivering them to the municipal council for
getting permission. Especially when he could see how easily council grants
permission of the buildings for those houses.
During those days,
most of the times I was seeing my mother instead of having her usual smile,
was swallowed in sadness and worry, with a cigarette on her lips. She was
complaining that they are living on debt all the times and whenever Ammo Jan
gets his wages all of it goes straight to pay their debt. Eventually they
were forced to give up their rented flat and go to my grandmothers house
and live with her. I could feel this was the last thing which my mother and
Ammo Jan were ready to do. Both were very proud, but they didnt have any
alternative. I wished I were able to help them. But our situation was worse,
only because we were young and in love we were not able to feel the hardship
and misery, which we were in. From then on any time we were going to see my
mother and Ammo Jan; we could see my Grandmother too. She told every body
that my mothers move to her house was by her invitation and insistence as
she was alone and ill and needed some body to look after her. She had many
respect for Ammo Jan and was very careful not to do or say any thing,
herself or any body else, which disgrace Ammo Jan. I used to remember when
they had few houses and now they were living in my grandmothers house and
even didnt have their own furniture.
One day strangely my
aunt who is my sister in law as well called me when I was working. She was
crying and asked me to go to the hospital. I asked her what has happened?
She told me: your Mamman Talla wants to see you as soon as possible. Soon
I rushed to the hospital, I saw my grandmother for the last time, every body
was crying she had a stroke and was unconscious. Few hours later she died.
It was very sad time for all of us, as we all liked her very much. In
traditional ceremony after seven days of her death, I felt something is
going on between my uncle and my mother. It seemed he was worry that my
mother doesnt leave the house! I used to like my uncle; my mother
introduced his wife to him, as she was our neighbour and our friend. But I
was so angry which couldnt hold my self and with loud voice told him he has
no honour and shame on him. I was mostly angry as I could see how every body
including me are genuinely sad from her death while my uncle instead of
respecting her and her ceremony, was thinking about his inheritance. I felt
all my aunts and uncles felt the same but didnt want to say any thing to
him as he was a brigadier general of army and used to be very respected. My
great uncle, who had more important job in Oil Company and was more
influential but was more modest, came toward me and appeased me and asked me
to forgive him. After my grandmothers death neither my mother nor Ammo Jan
were prepared to live there any more. Soon they found cheaper apartment in
poorer area and moved there. Later my other aunt asked them to go and live
with her, which they did.
Let students free to do
anything, but involve them in Politic
In university I found new friend
among them Hussein who used to be student in Britain and was accepted in our
university without passing the entrance examination. Few years later I
introduced him to my sister Sorya and they married and he became my brother
in law. He used to tell us about freedom of the people especially younger
generation in Europe. About speaker corner in Hyde Park, where people can go
and say what ever they want, against government and even Queen. It was
strange for me to learn that in a capitalist country people are free to buy
Capital of Marx and talk about communism and socialism openly and freely.
Idea of student union in university and their power was interesting as well.
Another friends of us were Shams and Qumarth. Some times for lunch instead
of having it in the refectory of the university we used to go to Evin
village, over there, there was an GHAHV-KHANEH (coffee House) which we
used to go there and have our lunch. Many villagers used to come there too.
We used to sit in its yard near its pond under a Majnon tree on a
blanket, which was spread on a wooden bed and have its only menu, which was
Dyizee . The food, which used to be traditional food of poorest people of
the country, now was quite luxurious for them to have it. A stew with small
piece of meat with a lot of fat called Donbeh , few potato, some peas and
onion. Each Dyizee for single person was cooked in small jar separately.
They used to pour all materials enough for one person in this jars and
fasten its top hardly (some times with mud), then they used to leave them
for few hours in their own oven. It was so delicious; I dont think any body
was able to cook the same thing at home. This coffee house was very strange,
it was almost opposite to Evin prison, hence some times universitys guard,
and prisons guard were coming to have lunch over there as students like us.
While we were there and had our lunch, there was no animosity between us,
but immediately after reaching to the university, Guards were going one side
and us to the other side and were looking at each other like hundred years
enemies. Another strange thing was that although area was full of secret
police and Gendarmes and different guards, also while punishment for selling
of many narcotic material was execution, but in this village and another
village close to that, one could buy any thing from Hashish to opium very
easily. As matter of fact it seemed that this is the policy of the
government to make students addicted to some kind of narcotic material so
they can make less disturbances.
First time when I
saw people using narcotic material was few years earlier when one day Anna
told me we were invited to one of her relatives party. She told me Daryosh
is over there as well, during those days among younger singers Daryosh and
Farhad were the most famous one as some of their songs had a political
message. For example one of Farhad songs called jomaa (Friday) was said
that it was about Siakal incident, there was rumour that both of them for
sometimes were arrested by SAVAK agent, and spent sometimes in Evin prison.
Any way we went to that party, their house was close to my university. I
always used to think my father was rich, now I could see who is rich and
what does it mean. Very large and beautiful garden in one of the most
expensive area of Tehran, huge building, and expensive furniture . . . We
were directed into a large room, but soon we found almost nobody in that
room was sober. There were some more young people in the next room and next
to that one, all in the same position, all from rich families of Tehran,
some were smoking opium, and others hashish, rest were drunken, it seemed we
are in free land and every body was for himself, there was plenty for drink,
smoke and eat. It was my first experience of a party like that, soon I felt
I am afraid of that situation and asked Anna to leave that house, she was
not happy of leaving, but surrounded to my wish and we left. I think
afterward we had our first serious quarrel.
In our university
using narcotic material was very common. So when one of my friends gave me a
cigarette ruled by Hashish, I didnt refuse but didnt enjoy it very much.
Soon I found out it is mostly because I dont know how to smoke it. Perhaps
I didnt like smoking. I was always free to do so but seeing my mother and
Ammo Jan smoking too much and problem which they had, made me resistant
against smoking. Any way once they cooked piece of Hashish in the cake,
which was unlike smoking, very delicious. But being honest I didnt enjoy it
much either. Once one of our friends called Faried came to our house with a
Manghal (brazier) some coal, and a vaufur (opium smoking pipe), and
some opium. It was the first time I was seeing opium and vaufur, after my
child hood which I used to see my mothers wet nurse Aghbajie smoking Opium.
Faried offered us (me and Anna) to smoke some, as usual I had problem with
smoking, on top of that it was too bitter for me. Faried and his wife, which
was mixed Russian and German girl, start laughing at me. I found Anna was
not enjoying it either.
Distribution of
Hashish and other narcotic was not only taking place in south of Tehran, but
almost everywhere. In many parks and streets in north of the city, while you
were walking alone you could see young boys asking you if you want the best
hashish or opium. It was almost free and one of the ways that younger
generation could ran away from bitter truth of the life. Difficult
competition, which existed in the country for entering into the
universities, finding proper job, marring with loved one, and have some kind
of security in life. In all these competitions most of the youths from poor
and middle class families without any connections were the main losers and
the way out was not to think through having frivolous life, not being sober.
One day Hussein told
me: come on, today I want to take you somewhere which you cant even
imagine place like that exist. We went out side of the city further and
further, till we could see no houses any more, in the middle of nowhere,
there was sign of some kind of road, which we took that, after few Kilometre,
we reached to a big house. We stopped and Hussein knocked its door, small
window on the door was opened and we could see eyes of a man who looked at
us carefully and judged us by his look. He decided it is save to open the
door, and he did, we passed a narrow path and entered into another house,
immediately I felt strong smell of smoke. Soon we entered into a big room
full of people, perhaps twenty or more, from all different walks of life,
young and old, all half sleep lying on the ground. Even breathing in that
room made me half sober. There were some beds spread on the ground parallel
to each other, and in between of each two bed, there was a brazier full of
red fired coal while two man lying parallel to each other on those parallel
beds holding an instrument by their hand and mouth. That instrument was
Negarie an instrument for smoking opium residue. One man was saghie
(host) and another one was moshtari (customer). Saghie was blowing into
the Negarie from one end and Moshtari was breathing in the smoke from the
other end. Walls of the room was dark not because of the colour but because
of smoke, beds greasy and dirty, I dont know how many people and for how
long were lied on those beds and went into the sky as they themselves used
to say, but sign of dirt on those beds were implying that they had to be
there for years and perhaps had been host of thousands of different people.
Although I was thirsty of examining any thing new and understand every
thing, but couldnt persuade myself lie on those bed and put that pipe in my
mouth. I wait in that room for my friends to go through that procedures and
when we were living that house I could feel my head is rounding around and I
want to vomit. This was new experience for me and those people over there
were different kind of people who preferred for different reason to live in
dream rather than real world.
Another time Faried
and his wife came to our house, he told us as you dont like opium and think
it has bad smell and is bitter, I have brought you another thing which is
not comparable with any thing else you have tried before. He showed us a
white powder and told us that are Cocaine, while it was heroin. Perhaps if
we knew that white powder is Heroine we were more hesitant to try it, as we
knew how one could be addicted to heroin so easily. He took a piece of foil
from his cigarette box, put some of that white powder on that foil and fired
a ruled hard paper and kept it underneath of that foil. At the same time he
gave me a straw and asked me to smoke white smoke, which was evaporating
from that foil over the fire. After me, Anna and Farieds wife and
eventually he himself smoked. Soon I felt sleepy as others and didnt feel
any thing till next morning. When we woke up Faried asked me what did I
feel, I told him sleepy. He asked me if I did enjoy it, I told him well my
problem is that I dont have enough time to sleep so you have to give me
something not to sleep. We laughed; it was the last time Faried brought us
something like that. Soon I found he is addicted and we cannot force him to
give it up. As a result he lost everything including his wife and his study
and eventually his life. He was from a rich family; his father was a famous
physician, he had everything and lost everything. I guess Faried and another
two close friends of ours lost their life as a result of addiction as
something very important was missing in their life, a reason to live. Sense
of being useful and a player in life. Having some kind of objective in life
further than just being alive. These were our generations problem, we, who
were taught to think and were asked not to think
I was married and
had to spend most of my time working to earn our expenses and study to
guarantee our future. I had enough personal obstacles to fight against which
I didnt need any more. I was in love of my wife so I didnt have any
emotional vacuum in my heart. Still I wanted and needed something more. This
is why many times; I could feel I need to write badly. Even once I felt I
like to play an instrument so I registered myself for learning Classical
Guitar. One day per week after work about Ten oclock in the evening, very
tired and exhausted, I used to go to that Music class to learn how to play
Classical Guitar. My teacher was telling me when I am playing I have to have
feeling and while I move my hand my head and my foot have to move as well.
Well I was trying to move them, but each time I was forgetting one. When I
was moving my head, I was forgetting to move my foot, and when I was moving
both of them, I was forgetting to play. Eventually my teacher told me
something, which was very useful for me during all my life. He told me,
obviously you like music and classical one very much, but liking them
doesnt mean that you have to learn to play them; you can enjoy play of
others without knowing how to play. Another time we heard a representative
of a guru from India who was very famous in America and European countries
is in Tehran. This was new for us; we had our own Gurus called Darwish .
My old friend Mohsan Pakzad was going to Khan-Agha where Darwishes used
to live and worship the God. But those who were lost their faith in God were
searching for some thing else nothing to do with God. So we went to see the
representative of this Guru, My friends Hussein, Shams and Qumarth and my
mothers Uncle were with Anna and me. He was talking in English and somebody
was translating his speech for us. But be honest he couldnt recruit any of
us.
I forgot playing any
instrument or worshipping an Indian Guru and stuck to my writing. I wrote
many other stories and now I was in the middle of a very long story, called
Pier Zad (born from old). Story of a man who died and born again from
death and instead of growing old, start growing young and became younger
and younger when he eventually vanished to before birth. In this story I was
examining my self and my mind. My search for the truth, for long happiness,
for finding a system, which could bring freedom, security and adequate life
for every body. With Pier Zad I searched the world; I went to different
cities; where all people were alike, beautiful and wealthy; facing different
people from different walk of life and different personality.
One day Qumarth came
to our house with Shams, he had two small tablets, which told us they are
LSD. Well I thought it shouldnt be stronger than heroin and I have to
prepare my self for another sleep. He gave us each half of tablet to eat.
This time I didnt feel sleepy at all, on the contrary I felt very awake and
energetic. After half an hour I felt every thing is changing so fast, Anna
and Shams and Qumarth were feeling the same thing. There was a poster of
half naked woman and a man in the middle of a jangle in our living room, we
looked at it and strangely we saw them are moving from the scene and in no
time they were vanished in the trees. We could see flowers of our carpet are
moving and are growing very fast. Soon we lost sense of the height and felt
we can jump from our window in third floor, even we felt we can fly, and
some how we tried it in the room by wide spreading our hands and moving
around. Suddenly Shams told us perhaps we are dead which we have found this
kind of feeling. It was obvious we were not able to question our senses so
we were stocked between logic, reality and what we were seeing and hearing
and ability of breaking the norms. The only way out of that was Shams
suggestion that perhaps we are not alive any more, he said we are death;
soon we start examining his claim. We thought if we could communicate with
outside world this is one proof that we are not dead, fortunately our
neighbour rang our bell and asked Anna for some salt. Anna gave her some
salt and she couldnt see any thing unnatural in us. But still we were not
sure of our situation so we asked Qumarth who was more sober than any of us
to go and call my friend Farzad to come to our house and help us out of that
situation. We didnt have a phone so he had to go to the opposite shop to
call. Thanks God he used the stairs and didnt use his ability to fly. For
one second I closed my eyes. I felt I could see as clearly as with open
eyes. While I was talking and explaining what ever I was seeing, I saw four
of us very clearly, then some how I saw we are flying but not in sky but in
time. Time was going back ward, I start seeing the whole history flying in
front of our eyes. We went backward to ancient times and beginning of the
creation, soon I felt we are not human any more and simply we are four
separated sparks of light, then we lost our last sign of our individuality
and became one. Suddenly I lost all tensions, fear and self-production,
which all human beings, all along their life have to carry with themselves.
I felt we are one and free, nobody and everybody, nothing and every thing.
Free from our body and soul. I heard later that I was sitting in the middle
of the room and rounding around myself with some kind of unexplained joy.
Now the only thing, which I could see, was light and lighter, perhaps start
of the creation. I opened my eyes and saw our lamp on the ceiling, which was
turned on by Farzad who was rushed to reach us and see what has happened. It
was unbelievable experience for all four of us. The joy, which I felt, was
noting like what ever I had seen by then. Although I enjoyed that experience
very much, but for the first time I saw my vulnerability as well, so I never
tried to repeat that experience again, although it became an objective and
desire for me to find the same feeling in real world and not for few second
but for whole life.
Marriage
One day every month Anna and I
used to go to my fathers house and see him, still whenever we wanted to go
and see him I used to push my hair behind my ears so he couldnt feel that
they are very long. Well he could see them even behind my ears and I knew he
knows. But it was one of those acts which was sign of respect like many
words which we Iranian used to use in every day of our life without real
meaning, but still essential for existence and strengthening of our
relationships. Although I was not much older than one which he used to order
few years back. His relation with me was changed totally, he was respecting
Anna and me very much and any time we were there we used to have very adult
conversation about politics or family maters. Still he was not very keen in
democracy and freedom and was more interested in progress and prosperity of
the country. Hence in his view which always-present situation was compared
with Qajar time when we had nothing, not even a single car was very good,
near perfect, on the edge of great civilisation. His only complain was about
corruption, bribery, huge bureaucracy, which he couldnt see Shahs hand and
his wrong doings in all those problems. He used to say if Shah had at least
ten honest and clever men around him, I could show what was he able to do
with this country and its wealth. Well once I argued with him, why Shah
cant have ten honest and capable men among thirty five million populations
around him, unless some thing is wrong with himself. But my father couldnt
accept my argument or he didnt want to accept it, as he was a man, who used
to act according to his word, and perhaps it was too late for him to change
his mind and his word. In family matters still his favourite subject was
about my brother, poor Issa, still he was talking about him like he is
talking about a child. Some how I felt he has some sense of guilt towards
him which by attacking and complaining about my brother, he want to satisfy
himself that he hasnt done any thing wrong against his children in general
and especially Issa. Any way still sometimes he used to take me to his
favourite room or his library and show me his old hand writing books or old
photographs, or his collection of stamps. Any time he had new drawings or
art piece he used to show it to us and explain it in detail. Once he told me
that he has given many of his books to the new library, which has been
established by Queen Farah, and they are going to name one of the rooms of
the library after him. Another time he told me that he has given expense of
building of a school, which is going to be named after him. I think in this
way he wanted to leave something from himself to be remembered after his
death.
One day my oldest
brother told me although Anna and I according to our way of thinking are
married, but it is time to have customary marriage too. I presume this was
demand of every body around us but as we didnt permit any body to involve
themselves in our private life, nobody among our families dared to say so.
We were hesitant to go through traditional marriage, because we loved our
life, as it was, we knew perfectly well, that after marriage we have to have
house as big as other relative of ours, furniture as luxurious and as
expensive as others. We had to commit ourselves to ceremonies and give and
take of presents in different occasions. All of this meant running like
horses after money without any real purpose in life. We had to become rich,
just because to be able to afford expense of this kind of luxuries. Any way
soon we felt we have no alternative, this was something, which we had to go
through. It was so funny for me and Anna to see my father and her mother
arguing about amount of (Mehriee) dowry, my father was arguing that all
dowry of every body in his family has been twenty thousand Toman and Annas
mother was asking for equal amount in gold, eventually I think they reached
to some kind of agreement. For us neither dowry nor trousseau were important
we had each other and it was more valuable than any thing else, but it was a
game which we had to face it. Our only concern was to get over it as soon as
possible.
It was summer 1974
weather was very hot, nobody was helping us and we had to go and find every
thing ourselves, every thing had to be expensive to match standard of our
both families. Diamond rings, marriage dress, different component of Sofreh
Aghd including silver candle plate, mirror, especially cooked bread,
especial decorated crystal sugar, . . . We had to arrange for food, drink,
photographer, invitation card, . . . Any way when every thing was finished
it was few minutes before ceremony itself, I remember even in the middle of
ceremony somebody came and asked me what to do about ice, and where should
they leave them. We were so tired that during dinnertime I found some time
to go to sleep. Well many of our relatives gave us golden ring or necklaces,
golden coins; my father gave us an expensive carpet, and later half of the
house, which from childhood was under my name. Well we didnt know what to
do with those gold so we put them all in the bank for the future. About the
house although it was very big and in very expensive area in the centre of
the city, but as it was rented perhaps ten years before, its rent was
according to the rent value of that time which meant almost nothing. We were
not able to ask tenants to leave the apartment, because it was taking long
time to win the case. This was one of the advantages of living in rented
apartment. Any way our life didnt change much and some how we could manage
to avoid going through those ceremonies and customs, which we were afraid
of.
Next Norowz (Mar. 1975) we were
invited by Annas father to go to Bandar-Abass where he was working, we
asked two of our friends accompany us in that trip. We went by my car, the
distance between Tehran and Bandar-Abass is more than one thousand Kilometre,
but we preferred to go with my car as we could see different cities in
between, we stopped in Isfahan and stayed there for two days, it was very
interesting for us to see all those old buildings from Safavid dynasty, when
Iran was among strong countries of the east. In our way in the middle of
desert we saw a huge building which was very old perhaps from Safavid time